That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
