I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
