i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
