Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize