Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
