Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
