Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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