Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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