I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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