She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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