I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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