Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
