Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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