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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
