dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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