my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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