I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
