I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
