just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
