WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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