PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
