my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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