i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
