When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
