I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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