I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
