He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
