It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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