:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Randomize
