Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
