you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
