"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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