Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
