she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
