i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
