i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
