just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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