you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
