Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
