As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
