be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
