I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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