Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
