You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Please don't give away my fajitas
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