So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
