you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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