Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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