You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize