Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
