Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
