one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
