I need help removing her.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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