physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
