That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
