when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
