Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
