hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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