Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
