Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
