Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
