I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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