i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
