Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
