I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
