Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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