i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
