Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
