i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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