i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
