So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
whose parrot is this?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
