No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my sisters under your porch take her home
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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