is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this will be a night to untag.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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