If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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