last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
