You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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