im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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