I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
