i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
