hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
