Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
