never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
