i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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