My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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