thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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