I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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