We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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