True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
