you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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