Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
