so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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