the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
