Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
