respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize