Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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